I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
