Can Purell be used as lube?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
