i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
