My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
