Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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