Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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