if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hippo gnu deer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
