Dual....:-)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
