I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
