ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
