He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
