New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
