Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
