apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
