Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
