just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
