He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh god it's open bar.
Someone signed my nipple.
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