So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my being single is dangerous.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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