if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Girls should come with a carfax report
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
