It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
