I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
