i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
