Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
