Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
