And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
