I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
