After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
