Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
