dude i'm inner monologue high
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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