After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
