i think my mom watched the whole time
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
