Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize