My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
