Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
