Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need moral support for this bender
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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