Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
