everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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