I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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