I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
