Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
