my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
