I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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