apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
