im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
