dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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