Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
