How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
