I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize