I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
