AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
