Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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