You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
