Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
