There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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