Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
