He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
