he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
