I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
