My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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