I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
