Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
