sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
