these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I intend to get homeless drunk
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
