I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
