White coat. Heels.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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