Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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