Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
