Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
