sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
