i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize