Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
