The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
