the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
