Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just google imaged poop.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
