There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
