the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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