just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
