so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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