I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
