U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
