sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize