i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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