You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
