Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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