Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize