If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
