John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
