So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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