I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
