somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
