He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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