Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
