I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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