i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
