Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
