I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
