sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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