Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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