The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
