yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize