I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
