Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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