The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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