eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
