What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
