so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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