Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
